just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
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