My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
Randomize
