Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
Your penis caused this!
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
Randomize
