i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
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