I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Randomize
