So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
Randomize
