Duck Duck Cougar?
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
Randomize
