I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
My dad is sitting where you rode me
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
Randomize
