1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
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