508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
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