Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
its 4th on my favorites list. 1. butt sex 2. mini skirts 3. three meat pizza rolls 4. fuck the pain away by peaches
tonight lets celebrate not being married
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
Randomize
