I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
Randomize
