I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
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