when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
Randomize
