is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
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