There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
Randomize
