Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
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