Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize