So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
how do you play pong handcuffed?
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
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