i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
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