That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
there was a trapeze. enough said
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
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