Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
you didnt know i had herpes?
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
