Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
Randomize
