So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
Randomize