some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize