So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
Randomize
