Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize
