Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
Randomize
