I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
Randomize
