I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
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