Come see our sink grown plant.
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
Randomize