Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
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