Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
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