found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
Randomize
