Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
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