You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
Randomize
