You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
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