Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
When did we convert life to cartoon?
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
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