dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
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