I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
Randomize
