in my opinion joe jonas is kinda pointless. hes just the pretty boy front runner.
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
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