I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
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