She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
Randomize
