i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
Randomize
