Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
Randomize
