Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
Randomize
