ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
its liver damage thursday
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
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