When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
Sorry about my life...
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
