sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Randomize
