even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
Randomize
