I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
Randomize
