would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
lets start a swedish sibling band together
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
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