Christians are straight up FREAKS
her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize
