he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Randomize
