roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
Randomize
