Heybabeimwearingurpanties
she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
Randomize
