Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
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