Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
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