I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize
