so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
Randomize
