She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
Randomize
