I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
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