Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
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