i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
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