So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
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