I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
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