Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
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