I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
Randomize
