There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
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