Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize
