My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
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