I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
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