that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
Randomize
