Jerry, you need to find god
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
Randomize
