i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
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