I want to stick my p in your. b.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Randomize
