How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Randomize
