I should be sponsored by Trojan
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
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