I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
Randomize
