having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
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